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Sunday, March 3rd, 2013
4:07 pm - march
tendinitis?

finally february is gone after staying too long as always.
again i think about leaving work, and again i don't.
again i stop thinking about work and not leaving.
march is better than that. is for working on books.

watched 'holy motors' last night. a real good one.

almost done with 'the magic mountain'.
now that the end is near, i keep stalling it a little.
but there are many other books waiting.

yesterday i went to see the patty smith show with s. it was ok.
i can see it being great for fans.
i enjoyed the josef sudek show far more.
it left me excited to be alive.

snow is gradually disappearing from the garden.
the hand hurts worst in the mornings.
nothing but tea and empty pages to fill.

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Monday, January 14th, 2013
4:28 pm - january 14th 2013, monday
current top ten in no particular order

1 shine on you crazy diamond
2 the magic mountain by thomas mann
3 winning this winter
4 writing by a window
5 a long trip for two this summer
6 the white album
7 feeling ready for filing taxes
8 long afternoon hours
9 camera walks
10 being in this together


yesterday o so warm, we walk all the way there and back, cameras along, passing shops and doorways from sun to shade to sun. the light has a spring face on, and we're lifted up, up. smoke and meander in a park, talk squirrels and paintings and the air, see bare trees green with moss and lichen, say nothing but smile.

today i worked, returned movies, wrote letters, stared out windows, and lay in bed in that mid-morning haze that comes over when you go back after being up a couple hours. thinking about going for another walk, heading nowhere, warm in that thick coat, able to stand still somewhere out of the way while it snows again.

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Monday, December 24th, 2012
11:24 am - 241212
Current top ten in no particular order:

1. rice porridge with blueberry soup for breakfast
2. sun in the morning, a quiet house
3. not working, feeling better
4. home-made tourtiere
5. joy to the world
6. slow, thorough thinking
7. so many good books to read
8. spending christmas together
9. coffee
10. music in the air

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Sunday, October 14th, 2012
1:57 pm
current top ten in no particular order

1. less work
2. working on new book project
3. leaves, colors, scents of fall
4. a good movie for later tonight
5. sleeping in the deep green, not waking up early
6. not worrying about health issues
7. the kinks
8. chai at night
9. how much silence there is in the house now
10. earned breaks

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Sunday, September 16th, 2012
2:55 pm - today smells like autumn
it's strange when i realize that people that i like admire and are into the very things that i have a hard time accepting in our times: the glamorized coffee, the bright neon, the ever-changing look of things, the neverending race for something better and/or more.

and then it's strange in a different way when i realize that their preferences are, in essence, no different from my preferences. it's all made of the same stuff; the looks of things are the looks of things. and to judge them primarily on that... well, it doesn't take us very far. i'd only move within my comfortable i-zone, and you within yours, each making something of the other.

these things occur so subtly that most of the time, i think, we're not aware of it. and that's probably ok. i mean, it is what-is. personalities grow bigger as time goes on, and being someone is my human lot. i just find it so fascinating that because i am, i become, and yet so much of it goes unnoticed. and when it does, i can some day wonder: how did i get here.

it's sunny outside; i could use a shower. am going out today to run errands and then meet a woman for coffee. drop off a piece of mail for a friend, mail a couple things of my own. i feel like i could loll in bed for a week, propped up on pillows, drinking tea and reading books. but it will be a busy week. no lolling; yes finding rest in little slivers of time that may be narrow but have infinite depth. watch trees gradually turning from green to yellow, hear seeds fall and hit the ground. order books from the library. loll for five minutes.

current top 10 in no particular order
1. muesli
2. love in the morning
2. showering
4. lightroom 4
5. lost in translation soundtrack
6. being able to afford gifts
7. biking in the afternoon
8. we'll watch a good documentary tonight
9. newly cleaned teeth
10. the future

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Friday, September 7th, 2012
12:41 am - heavy-lidded and stretching
last night i dreamt that i walked out of a large building with johnny depp. two sets of long stairs descended towards the street where a man was waiting in a car. the main stairs were made of gray stone, and were lit as though by twilight; that strange bluish hue, which gave the stairs a somewhat veiny, translucent look. they were weirdly steep, so much so that a glance at them was enough to make me uncomfortable. i could just see myself missing a step and smashing my head on those hard, hard angles.

johnny depp took the other stairs, and i decided to do the same. they wound down through bushes and underground like a river of different shapes and sizes of rocks, set at uneven intervals. they didn't look easy either, but nothing about them made me hesitate. the first rock was much higher than the next, but it was easy to put my hands on it and then lower myself down. it was easy to carry my weight and be close to the bushes, close to the dirt. i liked the feeling of being capable, the feeling of having balance. the feeling of having to be there, in motion. i liked the challenge, so very different from what i imagined the maneuvering of those stairs of death would have been. i didn't think about johnny depp. didn't think about anything really. it was good.

it's midnight, i must to bed. i feel like i just finished work and sat down after standing up after hours and hours of typing. but despite this feeling of exhaustion, there's a sense of calm. maybe it's the taiji qigong i did tonight, or the laughs and smiles we've had today. plus these past two days i've had a growing sense of not having to fear them anymore. not that i ever had to fear them, but somehow with a more demanding schedule came a deeper sense of no longer owning my own time; and a fear. but of course, at that point it's good to sit back and realize that i'm actually free. i'm the one giving them all this time.

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Friday, July 6th, 2012
5:01 pm - july 2012
when it's hot like this, we sit in the shade on the porch, not moving, not speaking. the air lingers close, so hot that it's like the sky was a big open oven, roaring fire on us. i watch the plants, their many shades of green; everything breaths slowly, lazily. every once in a while we smile. there's no need for anything.

i make watermelon and feta cheese salad, soaking red onions in lime juice and pitting black olives. mint and parsley, olive oil and black pepper. ice cold drinks, homethrown cocktails.

when i think of my job, i think, maybe this is what readiness feels like.

the writing is going like a snail might. but it's bright and alive in my mind, and i'm untroubled.

current top ten in no particular order:

1. hand-written letters from my niece
2. the beatles
3. love in the morning
4. rediscovering my old black cotton dress
5. the heat
6. trust in life
7. bare limbs
8. the quiet of the house
9. watermelon
10. the happiness of doing nothing

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Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
12:48 pm - 190612 top ten
kesä kuumimmillaan.

current top 10 in no particular order:

1. summer heat
2. lazing on the porch with the man
3. nude mornings
4. icy drinks
5. gardens in bloom
6. my birthday is coming up and it's going to be good
7. writing and mailing letters
8. lightning at night
9. ice cream in the sun
10. work-free days

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Friday, May 18th, 2012
8:19 pm - cusp
holy holy, it's been a long week.
not enough sleep, too much work, mud for brains.
but hurray, the weekend!

the garden is a-bloom, just cut a bunch of broken flowers.
in the kitchen they look like some other country in a vase.
i take an absent-minded shower, smoke a cigarette.
still haven't mailed my father's birthday card.
but tomorrow is perfect for so many things.
like chinatown and coffee at the ago.
cameras, green, skirts, sun, love.

we'll never be twentysomething again, and that's a delight.

current top 10 in no particular order:
1. snail mail
2. roland deschain
3. the weekend
4. prosciutto
5. that even the strangest dream yields realizations
6. getting to sleep in
7. having a choice
8. stretching pains away
9. eating when hungry
10. the ramones

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Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
11:42 pm - pain
damn you, toothache.

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Tuesday, March 20th, 2012
1:58 pm - 200312 top ten in no particular order
1. spring
2. spring
3. spring
4. that this cold isn't worse than it is
5. writing a story
6. homemade healing concoctions
7. miyazaki's "spirited away" this sunday
8. sushi
9. optimism
10. early afternoons

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Thursday, March 1st, 2012
11:59 am - 010312 top ten in no particular order
1. trust in life
2. being closer to spring
3. kicking horse coffee
4. feeling able and grateful
5. resigning from an unsatisfying contract position
6. pausing and seeing
7. breakfast at home
8. compassion
9. a clean computer
10. not worrying about money

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Monday, February 6th, 2012
9:58 pm - 060212 top ten in no particular order
1. writing stories
2. not being in pain
3. today, a day like spring
4. needing so little, having so much
5. sending postcards
6. waking up with lots of dreams
7. organic dried apricots
8. pink floyd
9. seeing wildlife from the porch
10. my people

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Wednesday, February 1st, 2012
2:11 pm - 010212 top ten in no particular order
1. not working
2. the riddle-master trilogy
3. slow motion at night
4. now, this now
5. toast with camembert
6. inspiring discoveries
7. new ideas
8. friendly strangers
9. chinatown in the morning
10. having a quiet smoke on the porch

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Thursday, January 19th, 2012
11:01 pm - 190112 top ten in no particular order
1. love and sex at home
2. my most delicious apple jam
3. letterwriting
4. doing translation gigs again
5. supporting others and being supported
6. no debt
7. the beatles
8. wintry walks at night
9. that morning moment of realizing i don't have to get up yet
10. that morning moment of having been up for half an hour and the sun is suddenly there

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Tuesday, November 1st, 2011
10:24 pm - 011111 tops
1. ginger and honey
2. yellow falling leaves
3. hot drinks
4. watching star trek in the morning when sicky
5. sleeping really well lately
6. being over the hump
7. almost there (!) with the book project
8. soupmaking
9. that we laugh
10. thrift stores, even though

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Sunday, October 9th, 2011
2:00 am - 081011 top five in no particular order
1. december joys
2. don cavalli
3. letting the spider run alive
4. warm october nights
5. kazuo ishiguro

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Saturday, August 27th, 2011
10:55 pm
some real good cheap great book finds today.
thanks for the beautiful times.

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Wednesday, August 24th, 2011
11:59 pm
lightning shreds the sky
rain and wind whip darkness down
we laugh on the porch

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Tuesday, June 14th, 2011
2:28 pm
my scheduler changed, and now instead of burning the midnight oil and rolling in money, i'm putting in a few measly hours per day because the new scheduler is slow and inefficient. life of a contractor.

but enough complaining. it's a beautiful day.

current top 10 in no particular order:

- summer
- my little herb garden
- intimacy
- i finished the second draft
- stretching
- strawberries
- light in the mornings
- going bare
- not needing much and having plenty
- ramones:

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